I have found, I am braver than I thought

 Stronger than I believed and Faith driven beyond question.

I show Forgiveness without contitions and Grace without hesitation.

And I will only offer a second chance to

the person who I trust and believe

 will never ever need to use it.

I still believe in love & that there is someone for everyone.

God's plan is better than any I have for myself & although

I don't understand the WHY or WHAT HAPPENED

I understand this....

I brought me to where I am, and I am at a very good place <3

Second Chances....

I don't know if I fully agree with giving people a second chance. What I do know is that if I was someone who screwed up and had the courage to face that fact, apologize and make an effort to show that I know I messed up, I would hope I'd get the second chance to make it right.

Brad and I had a pretty fabulous thing, and it came to a screeching halt.  No explanation, no nothing.  Just "I need time to think about us, it's not you".... and it hurt, deeply.  We had a relationship that was open, honest, filled with trust, we could talk about anything ~ and we did.  We shared with one another, we shared experiences, confided and believed in one another.  And it was amazing ~ something I'd never experienced before.  I loved him, completely, truly without any doubts.   And I believed he loved me too.  

Earlier, I shared about the Commitment Phobic and I also shared that it was my gut feeling that was what happened in our situation.  Things were amazing, everyone US, OUR KIDS, OUR FAMILIES, we were all on the same page, we all felt that Brad and I were a good thing.... For Brad come to find out, it was 'too good' and yes, he indeed suffered from Commitment phobia.   He didn't come to me and share this, but he did finally come to me and share and everything he shared was exactly what I'd drawn my conclusion from.   This isn't a terrible awful very bad thing.  It isn't.  BUT... it is something that makes a girl stop and wonder, WHAT IF it happens again.  

Yesterday I sent Brad a text message to tell him I was thinking of him & happy Fathers day.  (we would share text here and then as friends, so this wasn't out of the norm)   We shot a few text back and forth in which he shared that he missed me.  I was floored, he thinks about me??  

He phoned and then asked if he could come over.   Scared, excited, worried and anxious, I said yes.   He came over and we talked, in depth about everything.  He must have apologized a million times, to which I finally shared, he need not say it again.  He was sincere and his effort to actually pick up the phone and then drive over spoke volumes to me. 

We spent the day just being us, we went for ice tea, got some fruit and enjoyed it before taking a walk along the river.  Went home puttered around and then off to Hamley's to watch the PGA Open and enjoy a cold drink and a light snack.  SIDE NOTE: let me share here ~ we had nachos and he is one of few people I can actually stand to eat chips with... the noise drives me insane... with him, its never been an issue... that, that is love

The evening was shared just being together, talking, looking at one another, sharing..... clearly I love him.  I love him very very much.  I love him deeply.  And I love him enough to give him not a second chance, but one chance to prove that he believes in us, that he loves me more than his fears and that there isn't anything that will be bigger than the two of us.    

I am going to fully trust him with my heart and believe that he will guard it and protect it. 

A First Date To Top All.. So Far!

THIS was my view yesterday of Athena/Weston/Adams and the Blue Mountains... BREATH TAKING! It was almost as amazing as the wonderful guy who wanted to make HIS first date with me my MOST MEMORABLE DATE ever....IT WAS!  Not to say it can't be topped, because it is possible.   BUT, he wins up to this point in my life.   AND the most incredible part wasn't JUST the airplane ride, or that he taught me how to fly... it was the fact that when he called to ask me out, he said "MEET ME AT THE BASEBALL FIELD IN ADAMS"... ohhh I love baseball, HA!  He only said that, as he knew I wouldn't make excuses or be late... come on I mean BASEBALL :)  I arrived to an empty field, solo fella standing there with a big grin.  Wanna take a walk?   WEIRD, but ummm OK.   Walking and talking and then... I wanna take you flying.  Me.... really, you want to share that with ME?    

He was great, so kind, so thoughtful, was careful not to scare me and didn't fight back when his buddy buzzed us in a game of chicken HA..  

I'm not sure what will become of the Pilot and I ~ my jury is still on the fence with this one. Oh my friends aren't they are all about GO FOR IT... and a lot of "you dummy what's your problem"  He is adorable, sweet, kind and very nice. He's thoughtful too.  There isn't a problem, there just isn't an incredible overwhelming I can't wait to be with him again, and well... you need that I think if you are REALLY into someone.  Not that I've written him off, I have not. But, I've also not dove in both feet either, I've dangled my foot and it was nice, one day at a time is all I'm capable of at this moment in time.  And right now, he seems to be okay with that.    SO... AMAZING day!  FABULOUS first date! WONDERFUL guy!   SCARED girl... yep, pretty much sums it up.

I'm so much cuter on line ; )

I'm single, and I'm not finding a lot of guys who I'm interested in my area ~ seems I know them too well, or know someone who knows them.. small town living.  So a friend tells me BRANCH OUT, go to an online dating site.  You might meet someone really great ~ you might make a new friend, oh just brave the web and put yourself out there.  And I quote  "you aren't going to meet anyone if you refuse to leave your yard for anything more than gardening supplies"....

OK.. so I did.  I gave it a whirl and I met a great guy.  And we dated, clicked from the get go, which was nice.  But we didn't REALLY click, as in long term.  So it goes

Recently I thought maybe I'd try again, hesitant as I don't want to totally put myself out there & I'm really not interested in having my photo & business out on the web for all and anyone to see.  But.. Nothing ventured, Nothing gained, Right?

Here is what I've concluded in my short stint with online dating.... A number of women have a photo that makes them "sexy"... you know the pose that excites a fella and leads him right to the photo gallery, bypassing the "about me section" of the online post.  Oh some gals have great photos... don't get me wrong and if I had a rockin' body I might ... oh heck no I wouldn't post a photo of me out there like that. Geeze, save something for the imagination!  

And men, Now I'm talking men 38-50 which is the range I view... I can sum it up like this, can I can say its great comic relief at times too!   38-40 the guys like to put it all out there, they still have "young" bodies and they want to show you, so they offer a nice selection of photos with themselves on a boat, at a beach or in the backyard... shirtless of course.  The younger end of the spectrum I've noticed is intrigued by posting bathroom shots... meaning photos of their half naked self in a mirror ~ I'm still not sure if this is for your enjoyment of theirs!

Men 40 to 45 let's say... they almost always have a hat on and often times a child in the photo.  As if to say.. Yep I'm bald, but I'm a great dad so don't hold the hair loss against me.  Many over 45, have photos of themselves Yep! In a hat, or bald and proud as they stand next to a hot rod, motorcycle or on vacation at an exotic venue. 

Everyone trying to make a statement where they are in life I suppose and making it clear they shouldn't be judged .. that they really are a catch.  Which I believe they are, for the right mate.  And in some cases its going to take going through a lot of right mates, for someone else before you get to the right mate for you. 

It's all a process.  And it is exhausting!  You can tell a great deal from a photo, but you can more so sum it up if you take the time to read the "about me".   Keeping in mind that we all want to sound a bit better than we are, maybe we are trying to sound a bit more like the person we'd like to be, I dunno? 

So, as I peek through photos... passing unless they grab my attention honestly- there has to be that "oh yeah" attraction or why proceed....  I take the time to review, and re- review profiles before I even consider anything.   I don't ever make the first contact, I might make a "nudge" to tell them I was there and they peeked my interest but nothing that says "she's hot for me" because it takes far more than a few lines on a screen and a super smile to make me go from Interested to hot for you... or at least I'm presuming so, I've not gotten to that place yet.  

Power Of Words

It is not common practice for me to take a stand on things. And most certainly not a public stand putting my emotions, thoughts or opinions out there.  Today I was struck by something so upsetting, I couldn't take a stand soon enough.

While I was getting coffee this morning, there was a photo on the front page of the East Oregonian Newspaper stating their had been a fatal crash and that three were dead. Tragic as that is, that isn't what sent me into my whirl wind of emotions and frustration.  It was the photo BIG on the front page taking up the entire top half of the two vehicles on fire in a distance. You were able to see clearly that there was an explosion of some type and that the damage was beyond measure. It was the photo at the bottom of that vision, it was the photo of a teenager, lying in the road with men trying to help her. Covered in blood and not aware of what was happening around her.  It was shocking. It was heartbreaking.

I took it upon myself through process of Face Book, to post on the newspapers page my thoughts on their lack of tact and class.  The following was posted on both the newspapers site, as well as my own page

"Highly disappointed in the lack of class & sympathy as I see the front of today’s East Oregonian. Lives were lost in a tragic accident and they choose of all photos one of someone injured, with a face viewable for all to see. Where is the care & concern for the families involved? This is one of many reasons why I no longer subscribe to the East Oregonian. The paper is more useful for lining bird cages than informing with its slanted information and political views. The lack of class in glorifying the tragic, life changing and unfortunate events in lives is simply not necessary. SO disappointed." 

There were over 200+ people who viewed that post, or more. The 200 is from those who made comment of "liked" the post.  It struck a cord in many and the stand was shared, that it was very distasteful.   The East Oregonian posted an apology of sorts, but not really. Stating it was freedom of speech and photo journalism.  Ohhh you bet your sweet tea I commented on that!   And again, many people shared they supported my opinion.

My point isn't that I'm a super hero with words.  I am not.  My point is that there is a power in words and when used with true heart, they touch many.  I didn't post to get any one's attention, but to share that I was so disappointed. 

My hope it that the EO will take note of that short blurb and take into consideration the power of the words they print upon the pages of their own paper.  And to consider in the future the impact of a photo that shook the community.   My heart goes out to the families, the friends, the co-workers and those in our community who are being shaken by this tragic event.  God Bless and keep them and may this tragedy bring to light, the power of words in a positive way.

GOOO!

I saw this photo of a stop light on Pinterest this morning and thought... AHHH HA!  That's how I want to live my life.   Yep, not at a stop light but someone on a journey, excited to be going somewhere... MOVING FORWARD 

When I see a GREEN LIGHT it is a happy expression of MOVE! GO! GET! YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY!

When I see a YELLOW LIGHT, it means you either hit the gas and get yourself through, or you slow down and take the moment to wait....bring it to a slow roll and allow yourself a moment to think about what you are going to do

When I see a RED LIGHT, sometimes I'm going to admit I think EERRRR SERIOUSLY! Really... I was going along just fine and RED where did that come from, screeching to a stop and being upset as I sit there~ Typically impatient waiting on the light to turn GREEN. 

Here is the thing about my stop light life ~ I need to realize that just like on the road, it life there are reasons for such lights.  When God has me on GREEN, it is smooth sailing, keeping track of my surroundings, watching what's going on around me.  Focused enjoying the journey and happy about how it is progressing along.

When God gives me the YELLOW, I can do two things.. I can say HA! I know what I am doing and don't need to slow down, I'm on my way.. here I goooo. OR I can slow down & realize that the light is there to be CAUTIOUS.  To slow me down and take note of how the journey is going.  To allow me time to sit and listen... typically its my radio in the car, but in life, it's to God.  What is He trying to tell me.  Is there something to be cautious of, or do I just need to slow down.

RED LIGHTS, ohhh I don't always appreciate the red light.. ROAD BLOCK to where I'm going.  BUT!  There are times when I get the RED light and realize, oh good I can take care of ... whatever that something is within the car that I need to, be it grab a snack or find a CD.   With God, my RED LIGHTS are... STOP.  Do not move forward.  Listen to me, I know what is ahead and I need you to know that we are not to go down that road.   RED lights aren't always fun, BUT... they can be productive, it we STOP and LISTEN.  Because sometimes it is at the RED light where you realize, oh hey, if I go this way...... OR.... When God says, GO UP HERE AND HANG A RIGHT, I have a better route up ahead for you.

Today, I'm going to proceed with my eyes open, ears available to hear and my heart fully charged and ready to go. I intend to hand over my road map, and allow God to take the wheel... lead me to the lights along the way and get me to the destination. 
The place where He has been preparing me, for what He has prepared for me
~ Oh I do love the sounds of that!

Good Morning.....

I'm HUGE on sharing how much you mean to me.    I often shoot a random text or face book message or phone call to my girlfriends, family & people who just deem the need for a smile ~ to share with them I THOUGHT OF YOU... in hopes that it makes them smile.  Makes them stop and think, awwww she loves me.  I do!

It is amazing the power of words and thoughtfulness.  To receive a morning text before your feet have hit the floor, to know that upon waking you were one of the first thoughts on someones mind.  For them to not only THINK OF YOU, but to think that much of you that they'd like to share it and make you smile.  AWWW something pretty spectacular in that.  

I woke this morning to a random, yet very sweet message... and I'm just going to say that it started a chain reaction. After we shot a few morning messages back and forth, I felt so compelled to share that feeling and sent on a message or two to people who I love and want to start there day in the same manner... start it smiling :)

So here is to the world of technology, which I so often find to be a big ol' kink in real communication... today I'm going to embrace it and utilize it for the good of HAPPY.  Today I am going to share a thought of two through out the day with random people I adore and just want to know it.   Think about it, if we all sent two messages today, that would be a multitude of happy... oh and wouldn't the world be a wonderful place on a Tuesday!