I have found, I am braver than I thought

 Stronger than I believed and Faith driven beyond question.

I show Forgiveness without contitions and Grace without hesitation.

And I will only offer a second chance to

the person who I trust and believe

 will never ever need to use it.

I still believe in love & that there is someone for everyone.

God's plan is better than any I have for myself & although

I don't understand the WHY or WHAT HAPPENED

I understand this....

I brought me to where I am, and I am at a very good place <3

Second Chances....

I don't know if I fully agree with giving people a second chance. What I do know is that if I was someone who screwed up and had the courage to face that fact, apologize and make an effort to show that I know I messed up, I would hope I'd get the second chance to make it right.

Brad and I had a pretty fabulous thing, and it came to a screeching halt.  No explanation, no nothing.  Just "I need time to think about us, it's not you".... and it hurt, deeply.  We had a relationship that was open, honest, filled with trust, we could talk about anything ~ and we did.  We shared with one another, we shared experiences, confided and believed in one another.  And it was amazing ~ something I'd never experienced before.  I loved him, completely, truly without any doubts.   And I believed he loved me too.  

Earlier, I shared about the Commitment Phobic and I also shared that it was my gut feeling that was what happened in our situation.  Things were amazing, everyone US, OUR KIDS, OUR FAMILIES, we were all on the same page, we all felt that Brad and I were a good thing.... For Brad come to find out, it was 'too good' and yes, he indeed suffered from Commitment phobia.   He didn't come to me and share this, but he did finally come to me and share and everything he shared was exactly what I'd drawn my conclusion from.   This isn't a terrible awful very bad thing.  It isn't.  BUT... it is something that makes a girl stop and wonder, WHAT IF it happens again.  

Yesterday I sent Brad a text message to tell him I was thinking of him & happy Fathers day.  (we would share text here and then as friends, so this wasn't out of the norm)   We shot a few text back and forth in which he shared that he missed me.  I was floored, he thinks about me??  

He phoned and then asked if he could come over.   Scared, excited, worried and anxious, I said yes.   He came over and we talked, in depth about everything.  He must have apologized a million times, to which I finally shared, he need not say it again.  He was sincere and his effort to actually pick up the phone and then drive over spoke volumes to me. 

We spent the day just being us, we went for ice tea, got some fruit and enjoyed it before taking a walk along the river.  Went home puttered around and then off to Hamley's to watch the PGA Open and enjoy a cold drink and a light snack.  SIDE NOTE: let me share here ~ we had nachos and he is one of few people I can actually stand to eat chips with... the noise drives me insane... with him, its never been an issue... that, that is love

The evening was shared just being together, talking, looking at one another, sharing..... clearly I love him.  I love him very very much.  I love him deeply.  And I love him enough to give him not a second chance, but one chance to prove that he believes in us, that he loves me more than his fears and that there isn't anything that will be bigger than the two of us.    

I am going to fully trust him with my heart and believe that he will guard it and protect it. 

A First Date To Top All.. So Far!

THIS was my view yesterday of Athena/Weston/Adams and the Blue Mountains... BREATH TAKING! It was almost as amazing as the wonderful guy who wanted to make HIS first date with me my MOST MEMORABLE DATE ever....IT WAS!  Not to say it can't be topped, because it is possible.   BUT, he wins up to this point in my life.   AND the most incredible part wasn't JUST the airplane ride, or that he taught me how to fly... it was the fact that when he called to ask me out, he said "MEET ME AT THE BASEBALL FIELD IN ADAMS"... ohhh I love baseball, HA!  He only said that, as he knew I wouldn't make excuses or be late... come on I mean BASEBALL :)  I arrived to an empty field, solo fella standing there with a big grin.  Wanna take a walk?   WEIRD, but ummm OK.   Walking and talking and then... I wanna take you flying.  Me.... really, you want to share that with ME?    

He was great, so kind, so thoughtful, was careful not to scare me and didn't fight back when his buddy buzzed us in a game of chicken HA..  

I'm not sure what will become of the Pilot and I ~ my jury is still on the fence with this one. Oh my friends aren't they are all about GO FOR IT... and a lot of "you dummy what's your problem"  He is adorable, sweet, kind and very nice. He's thoughtful too.  There isn't a problem, there just isn't an incredible overwhelming I can't wait to be with him again, and well... you need that I think if you are REALLY into someone.  Not that I've written him off, I have not. But, I've also not dove in both feet either, I've dangled my foot and it was nice, one day at a time is all I'm capable of at this moment in time.  And right now, he seems to be okay with that.    SO... AMAZING day!  FABULOUS first date! WONDERFUL guy!   SCARED girl... yep, pretty much sums it up.

I'm so much cuter on line ; )

I'm single, and I'm not finding a lot of guys who I'm interested in my area ~ seems I know them too well, or know someone who knows them.. small town living.  So a friend tells me BRANCH OUT, go to an online dating site.  You might meet someone really great ~ you might make a new friend, oh just brave the web and put yourself out there.  And I quote  "you aren't going to meet anyone if you refuse to leave your yard for anything more than gardening supplies"....

OK.. so I did.  I gave it a whirl and I met a great guy.  And we dated, clicked from the get go, which was nice.  But we didn't REALLY click, as in long term.  So it goes

Recently I thought maybe I'd try again, hesitant as I don't want to totally put myself out there & I'm really not interested in having my photo & business out on the web for all and anyone to see.  But.. Nothing ventured, Nothing gained, Right?

Here is what I've concluded in my short stint with online dating.... A number of women have a photo that makes them "sexy"... you know the pose that excites a fella and leads him right to the photo gallery, bypassing the "about me section" of the online post.  Oh some gals have great photos... don't get me wrong and if I had a rockin' body I might ... oh heck no I wouldn't post a photo of me out there like that. Geeze, save something for the imagination!  

And men, Now I'm talking men 38-50 which is the range I view... I can sum it up like this, can I can say its great comic relief at times too!   38-40 the guys like to put it all out there, they still have "young" bodies and they want to show you, so they offer a nice selection of photos with themselves on a boat, at a beach or in the backyard... shirtless of course.  The younger end of the spectrum I've noticed is intrigued by posting bathroom shots... meaning photos of their half naked self in a mirror ~ I'm still not sure if this is for your enjoyment of theirs!

Men 40 to 45 let's say... they almost always have a hat on and often times a child in the photo.  As if to say.. Yep I'm bald, but I'm a great dad so don't hold the hair loss against me.  Many over 45, have photos of themselves Yep! In a hat, or bald and proud as they stand next to a hot rod, motorcycle or on vacation at an exotic venue. 

Everyone trying to make a statement where they are in life I suppose and making it clear they shouldn't be judged .. that they really are a catch.  Which I believe they are, for the right mate.  And in some cases its going to take going through a lot of right mates, for someone else before you get to the right mate for you. 

It's all a process.  And it is exhausting!  You can tell a great deal from a photo, but you can more so sum it up if you take the time to read the "about me".   Keeping in mind that we all want to sound a bit better than we are, maybe we are trying to sound a bit more like the person we'd like to be, I dunno? 

So, as I peek through photos... passing unless they grab my attention honestly- there has to be that "oh yeah" attraction or why proceed....  I take the time to review, and re- review profiles before I even consider anything.   I don't ever make the first contact, I might make a "nudge" to tell them I was there and they peeked my interest but nothing that says "she's hot for me" because it takes far more than a few lines on a screen and a super smile to make me go from Interested to hot for you... or at least I'm presuming so, I've not gotten to that place yet.  

Power Of Words

It is not common practice for me to take a stand on things. And most certainly not a public stand putting my emotions, thoughts or opinions out there.  Today I was struck by something so upsetting, I couldn't take a stand soon enough.

While I was getting coffee this morning, there was a photo on the front page of the East Oregonian Newspaper stating their had been a fatal crash and that three were dead. Tragic as that is, that isn't what sent me into my whirl wind of emotions and frustration.  It was the photo BIG on the front page taking up the entire top half of the two vehicles on fire in a distance. You were able to see clearly that there was an explosion of some type and that the damage was beyond measure. It was the photo at the bottom of that vision, it was the photo of a teenager, lying in the road with men trying to help her. Covered in blood and not aware of what was happening around her.  It was shocking. It was heartbreaking.

I took it upon myself through process of Face Book, to post on the newspapers page my thoughts on their lack of tact and class.  The following was posted on both the newspapers site, as well as my own page

"Highly disappointed in the lack of class & sympathy as I see the front of today’s East Oregonian. Lives were lost in a tragic accident and they choose of all photos one of someone injured, with a face viewable for all to see. Where is the care & concern for the families involved? This is one of many reasons why I no longer subscribe to the East Oregonian. The paper is more useful for lining bird cages than informing with its slanted information and political views. The lack of class in glorifying the tragic, life changing and unfortunate events in lives is simply not necessary. SO disappointed." 

There were over 200+ people who viewed that post, or more. The 200 is from those who made comment of "liked" the post.  It struck a cord in many and the stand was shared, that it was very distasteful.   The East Oregonian posted an apology of sorts, but not really. Stating it was freedom of speech and photo journalism.  Ohhh you bet your sweet tea I commented on that!   And again, many people shared they supported my opinion.

My point isn't that I'm a super hero with words.  I am not.  My point is that there is a power in words and when used with true heart, they touch many.  I didn't post to get any one's attention, but to share that I was so disappointed. 

My hope it that the EO will take note of that short blurb and take into consideration the power of the words they print upon the pages of their own paper.  And to consider in the future the impact of a photo that shook the community.   My heart goes out to the families, the friends, the co-workers and those in our community who are being shaken by this tragic event.  God Bless and keep them and may this tragedy bring to light, the power of words in a positive way.

GOOO!

I saw this photo of a stop light on Pinterest this morning and thought... AHHH HA!  That's how I want to live my life.   Yep, not at a stop light but someone on a journey, excited to be going somewhere... MOVING FORWARD 

When I see a GREEN LIGHT it is a happy expression of MOVE! GO! GET! YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY!

When I see a YELLOW LIGHT, it means you either hit the gas and get yourself through, or you slow down and take the moment to wait....bring it to a slow roll and allow yourself a moment to think about what you are going to do

When I see a RED LIGHT, sometimes I'm going to admit I think EERRRR SERIOUSLY! Really... I was going along just fine and RED where did that come from, screeching to a stop and being upset as I sit there~ Typically impatient waiting on the light to turn GREEN. 

Here is the thing about my stop light life ~ I need to realize that just like on the road, it life there are reasons for such lights.  When God has me on GREEN, it is smooth sailing, keeping track of my surroundings, watching what's going on around me.  Focused enjoying the journey and happy about how it is progressing along.

When God gives me the YELLOW, I can do two things.. I can say HA! I know what I am doing and don't need to slow down, I'm on my way.. here I goooo. OR I can slow down & realize that the light is there to be CAUTIOUS.  To slow me down and take note of how the journey is going.  To allow me time to sit and listen... typically its my radio in the car, but in life, it's to God.  What is He trying to tell me.  Is there something to be cautious of, or do I just need to slow down.

RED LIGHTS, ohhh I don't always appreciate the red light.. ROAD BLOCK to where I'm going.  BUT!  There are times when I get the RED light and realize, oh good I can take care of ... whatever that something is within the car that I need to, be it grab a snack or find a CD.   With God, my RED LIGHTS are... STOP.  Do not move forward.  Listen to me, I know what is ahead and I need you to know that we are not to go down that road.   RED lights aren't always fun, BUT... they can be productive, it we STOP and LISTEN.  Because sometimes it is at the RED light where you realize, oh hey, if I go this way...... OR.... When God says, GO UP HERE AND HANG A RIGHT, I have a better route up ahead for you.

Today, I'm going to proceed with my eyes open, ears available to hear and my heart fully charged and ready to go. I intend to hand over my road map, and allow God to take the wheel... lead me to the lights along the way and get me to the destination. 
The place where He has been preparing me, for what He has prepared for me
~ Oh I do love the sounds of that!

Good Morning.....

I'm HUGE on sharing how much you mean to me.    I often shoot a random text or face book message or phone call to my girlfriends, family & people who just deem the need for a smile ~ to share with them I THOUGHT OF YOU... in hopes that it makes them smile.  Makes them stop and think, awwww she loves me.  I do!

It is amazing the power of words and thoughtfulness.  To receive a morning text before your feet have hit the floor, to know that upon waking you were one of the first thoughts on someones mind.  For them to not only THINK OF YOU, but to think that much of you that they'd like to share it and make you smile.  AWWW something pretty spectacular in that.  

I woke this morning to a random, yet very sweet message... and I'm just going to say that it started a chain reaction. After we shot a few morning messages back and forth, I felt so compelled to share that feeling and sent on a message or two to people who I love and want to start there day in the same manner... start it smiling :)

So here is to the world of technology, which I so often find to be a big ol' kink in real communication... today I'm going to embrace it and utilize it for the good of HAPPY.  Today I am going to share a thought of two through out the day with random people I adore and just want to know it.   Think about it, if we all sent two messages today, that would be a multitude of happy... oh and wouldn't the world be a wonderful place on a Tuesday!

First Things, First

Do you ever stop and think about "the firsts" in life?  I did... today. 

As I contemplate going  a new direction and taking on new adventures with someone, you don't want all of the firsts with that someone to be that lasts that you had with another. 

I love mornings and coffee and being along side the river.  I've never shared that with anyone ~ someday perhaps I will. Seems that is something I have saved for the right someone.  My time along the river is rather personal... I go to think, to get over things, to give thanks for the many blessings I have.  I don't just take up space there, I engage in all that it offers.  I stop and watch the water, listen to the birds, notice when the water has risen or fallen.  It is a time for reflection and gratitude ~ it isn't just a place to go, it is a place to be at. A destination.  No one has been so deserving of sharing this, up to this point....

 And there are places I've never been, that I contemplate sharing with the right someone. Like a trip to Palouse Falls in Washington.  It would need to be shared with someone who appreciates how simple life can be, beautiful the surroundings are and how deep the conversations, or silence can go.  Someone you can just be with, enjoying fully.   Someone who shares your taste in music ~ so on the drive up you enjoy great tunes and fun conversations!

And there are firsts such as being so comfortable with someone that you can be open, raw, true and comfortable in who you are. Secure in how you look or what your thinking. Knowing that this person accepts you baggage, flaws and all that is wonderful with you... To share all that you are, inside and out.  To be good in your own skin ~ to want to put on a bathing suit to sit on a beach, or take a long walk along a shore line..talking about everything or nothing at all and not wanting run for cover. To feel so secure and safe with that one person... there is something wonderful just in the thought of that.   And something very scary as well ~ putting yourself out there, it can be difficult. Maybe not with the right person.

This is what I know.  God has been preparing me, for who he has prepared for me... I trust that. I trust that all that one goes through in life, it all has it's place, it's reason, it's tools for teaching.  And if there is someone, and I believe there is,  He will come into my life at the right time. He will come in God's time. Because I have this thought - the RIGHT GUY at the WRONG TIME isn't the right guy.  It all has to line up just as God has planned it.  You can't force it or push it or manipulate it.  You have to allow God to guide it.

I'm being guided in a wonderful direction in life right now, open to opportunities and meeting new people. I'm at a very good place, happy with who I am and where I am ~ surrounding myself with amazing family and friends.  I have a home that keeps me busy with fun projects and a job I truly enjoy. I have a faith that is unshakable. 

Life is good.

Anyone who happens to come into this picture won't complete it, but compliment it.  That's a very good place to be!

I am a Pinterest person... yep, I log on and I search for ideas, messages, giggles and style inspiration.  And some of those things I MAY actually utilize someday ~ I have the best of intentions!

I was on the site this morning and clicked to view my boards.  Just looking through them says a great deal about a person; their likes, their desires, their hopes and their thoughts.  Amazing really how much you can grasp from boards filled with "ideas".

My boards are FuN!  InSpIrInG!  CrEaTiVe!  GoDlY!  FaMiLy OrIeNtEd! UpLiFtInG!

Just seeing what fills my thoughts, my life made me smile and realize that for all the lemons that have come along.. meaning BAD DAYS..My HAPPY DAYS trump them 100 to 1.  I am blessed ~ blessed indeed!

Silliness

Getting it

Humorous

Inspired by it

At a time of technical age, where we spend more time on a computer talking than in person, more time on a lap top reading than grabbing a book, more time typing than writing ~ It is nice to see that you can still fill your life with things that inspire, encourage, teach and make you laugh. And we can utilize this technology to share it in ways that reach beyond our own grasp, into the world.. AMAZING!     Today I will go forth and share what I am filled with .. HAPPY JOYFUL GRATEFUL BLESSINGS <3  

Morning Inspired

Life is simply too short to waste my time with the drama, hurts & disappointments of this life... take them, embrace them LEARN FROM THEM ....  I CHOOSE TO LIVE,  FULLY!!!! : )

God Is Preparing Me

God is preparing me, for who HE has prepared for me....

God is preparing me, for WHO HE has prepared for me....

God is PREPARING ME, for who He has PREPARED FOR ME

It is so easy to sit and be sad, pouty, mad and frustrated. But it is much easier to be grateful.  Grateful that through life's journey God puts small mercies in our lives that allow us to grow. Grow in our own self, and grow in God. To GROW.

I want to be like that seedling today, that you place in the soil, you nurture and you wait. And wait and wait, and then.... you see something!  There is a small tiny itty bitty something that appears to be coming up through the soil. 

You wait, you wait and you wait.  Oh yes, there it is, a glimmer of the top of what appears to be a seedling.  You water, you make sure there is light and you wait, and wait and wait.  Days go by and that little, tiny itty bitty seedling begins to realize, it is alright to poke through the solid. It is good to stretch and grow. 

And as you turn away just for a moment, that seedling POPS through the solid and the seed, which you genitally laid within the soil, has changed. It has completely changed.  There is something wonderful about it now.  It has life.    And as you watch, you see that as it begins to push through the soil it continues to change and grow.

ohhh the excitement.

 

And then you wait, and wait and wait.  In time that seed that you placed within the soil has become something beautiful.  It grows and it takes on a new shape, and it is exciting. Oh the changes, the colors ~ oh my the colors.   And just when you thought you were experiencing the most exciting part of this growth process from that little seed, it bares fruit. 

Awe, the fruit.  You took the time to nurture and be patient.  You cared, you watered and you gave light.  And now, there is something beautiful bearing fruit, something wonderful to be shared. Something you weren't even expecting.

I want to be that seedling. I want to grow. I am going to nurture myself and seek the light, God's light.  And I'm going to wait.  And wait. 

And I'm going to emerge from the soil, a bit scared perhaps at times of what might be ahead, but excited because I know that there is something exciting happening.  I know that in time, with patience and trust I will bare fruit.  I will bear the fruits that God has placed within me.    And I will wait.  I will wait for God to place the right gardener in my life.   The one who will continue to be patient, to nurture, to water & give me light.  

 I am going to wait on God to bring that person, the gardener into my life, the one who he has been preparing for me.   Because I believe

 GOD IS PREPARING ME FOR WHO HE HAS PREPARED FOR ME.

L A U G H T E R

 

Relationships are complicated.  We all come into this world with nothing, and we pull pieces and have pieces removed as we interact and have relation with others.  Some pieces are full of love, joy and hope.  So pieces are full of pain, anger and doubts.  You spend an entire lifetime picking up and putting pieces back into place.  One must find the person who is willing to stand beside them, both arms filled with all the pieces.  It is the person that says, lie them down and let's sort through them that you must appreciate and realize, they are it.  They are the one who is worthy of risk.  The one who is willing to sift through the pieces, and to share with your their pieces as well ~ and this isn't just the brokenness, this is everything.  The love, joy, hope, pain, anger and doubt all of it.  No holding back.   When you find that person, hold on.  

I have pieces.  I have many pieces, many happy pieces.  And I have brokenness in my pieces.  I am a work in progress.  I am willing with the right person, to place my pieces out and sift ~ as we sift together through our lives, finding in the mix of this a friendship that brings a bond, that brings a relationship, that brings laughter.  Because ultimately that is what I am longing for in life.   A life full of laughter and a love that should be a happy ever after.  

Relationships really are not so complicated, we simply complicate them.   Here is to pieces to be laid out, hearts that find happiness and lessons along the way that bring you to a place where you can reflect and see that everything happens for a reason.   

God is good.  I woke this morning and while saying my prayers came to the understanding of many things that took place over the past few months, due to the relationship I was in. There were blessings in having him in my life for that short period, God used him as a vessel to guide me to healing in other areas.  For that I am very grateful.    

Filter In Filter Out

So I have an amazing circle of friends!  I do, incredible really.  And they are often sharing how impressed they are with my positive attitude and strength when it comes to coping and dealing with things.    Can I be honest ~ it's my blog, of course I can : )  And I should!  

I have not always been THIS way.  Ohh for years I've been optimistic and positive and shined a happy light on things, but shhhh don't tell anyone, it was a big fat fake front so I didn't have to deal with the reality I was facing.  Ugg...   I was in an unhappy place and it was easier to fake it than deal with it.   Lesson learned years later, it is much easier to face the beast head on and move on than put on a pretty face and fake it!

So today, I am positive. I am happy and I am surrounded by positive, happy, wonderful friends!  I have 'decluttered' and removed the negative people from my daily life.  I didn't really REMOVE them, just put distance between us so that their toxic attitudes and behaviors wouldn't taint my beautiful happy let's get a lil' silly sometimes waters.   And each morning when I wake up I spend at least 45 minutes filling my mind with positive words, my eyes with happy visuals and my heart with uplifting verses.  I am a believer sincerely that filter in filter out. There it is..THE SECRET, I've let it out. 


Oh and I think sprinkling in a nice mixing of KLOVE music, or whatever your favorite Christian music .. do a HAPPY dance in the morning before you hit the door and if you get real adventurous, grab a pen and doodle on yourself ~ Yep I'm serious! Or put your hair in pig tails, wear a tee with a silly quote or picture just because you can, jump on the rope swing and sway a little, grab your child's bike and take it for a spin or spike your hair.   Step outside the comfort zone and do something silly.... you've got it... see you are already smiling thinking hummmm what should I do.   Atta kid ; )

Healing to Happy.... it's not a race!

When transition side swipes me & I find myself reeling in something I don’t completely understand, I tend to shove it all inside, put on a happy face, pull up my positive big girl panties and trudge forward.  I’ve always thought this was a great way of “coping”.  Who am I fooling?

Today, I’m going to be completely honest and raw ~ if the transition comes up from behind and knocks your world off its axis, well it just sucks.


I was in a relationship, with a great guy. Intelligent, fun, nice looking, kind hearted, thoughtful and a certifiable “commitment phobic”.   It’s not me being funny; it is a real deal technical term.  This isn’t something I have ever encountered and I am having a very difficult time wrapping my head around it.  In a “nut shell” kind of way, I’ll explain.   A commitment phobic wants, desires, craves a relationship.  They want a great relationship.  When they come to a place in a relationship where things are there, at the point of “great”… they freak out.  The anxiety of being at that place of complete happy and great in a relationship, what they desire most, scares those most.  Often times the one who desired this relationship the greatest is the one that does the most to sabotage it.  They start to pick it apart and break it down, causing it to end, and then the quickly move on, or not, to the next relationship.  Another way they “cope” when the relationship reaches a comfortable, happy and secure point is they completely disengage. You may have a fabulous date on Monday, ending it with conversation about how great you are, how happy you make them, how things feel so right and how they can’t wait to talk in the morning, to wake Tuesday and you hear nothing.  They completely leave the map and you are left behind, no answers, no explanation, nothing.

I will share it is an awful, terrible rotten feeling.  When you finally open yourself up to the possibility that there is someone out there who understands you, who ‘gets you’ who truly cares about you, to have it all come crashing down so quickly you’ve no idea what just happened.  And to be left standing there, pieces of your heart scattered throughout your body with nothing to justify or even begin to justify the situation of abandonment.   Abandoned, left there standing alone in a world that was so together and incredible ~ in a moment notice, gone.    

I’ve had a few, ok MANY long talks with myself about how I’d like to “fix this” and have come to the sad conclusion, that this is something more than I am emotionally capable of taking on.  I loved him, truly I did. I do. But not in invest myself fully, to be losing all sanity along with more broken pieces kind of way.   I don’t comprehend forcing myself onto someone who runs from happy? I can’t do that.  And I’m still reeling in the fact that as far as a real commitment goes, it was never insinuated, mentioned or assumed on either of our behalf.  We never talked about it. I was under the impression we were still getting to know one another, taking it one day at a time.  I was good there.

That brings me to this day, five days later after receiving a text which was our final conversation “I need time to think about us”   YES, you read that correctly a text.  I picked my phone up to call right back, nothing. So I text and inquire did I do or not do something? To which I received the reply “You didn’t do anything”…. And that was Good Bye.    OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!

I am going to open up the possibilities for a new way of life – to be honest when I’m hurting and say OUCH out loud. I’m human, humans get hurt..  I’m certain that God uses these hurts for grown and learning tools, but today I am wanting very much to stick my tongue out and say THUUURRRPPPPP … but I won’t.  I won’t because He also gave me the gift of reflection.  And when I look back over the past 5 months I see positive seeds that were planted and personal growth that took place.  Ohhh I’m not saying that it makes it all better, NO I AM NOT.  What I am saying, is that it makes it a little bit easier to swallow in this moment when my heart is hurting.

Happiness is a muscle that you exercise and a way of thinking that is not only practiced with daily positive influence but also with a healthy sense of humor.   Transition, it is a special place that can either make or break you ~ depending on your outlook.  I tend to find myself trying to find humor in this, any of this, but its impossible. There is nothing humorous about it. SO, I intend to let it MAKE ME… make me appreciate the people in my life who frustrate me, but cause me to grow…. Make me stop and reflect on my own attitude & gratitude and realize that all the bumps in the road make for a stronger me.  And to let it make me, take a step back and realize that what we hope for, what we receive and what happens along the way are sometimes unintentional road blocks along the way.

I truly believe that everyone comes into our lives for a reason, a season. You are given gifts through growth, through sharing heart ache, joys, happiness, madness, insights and big fights.  What you do with those gifts is up to you. Today, I’m taking all the little gifts that were shared over the past months, putting them inside my little broken pieces of heart and I’m going to do one thing with them – heal from them.    A new day, it is up to me what I will make of it… and I have every intention of making it BETTER!